omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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