there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
porn star boner night. come get it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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