My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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