It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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