His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
