one two three fourrrrnication!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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