Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's get the cat blown out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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