Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
