Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
