Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
