About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
