He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
