so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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