sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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