im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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