guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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