I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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