Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
