god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
as a side note pls kill me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
