some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
