Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
