I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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