Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
