Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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