Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
