JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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