i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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