Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
