So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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