i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
