Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
