I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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