U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
