I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Success! We fucked roommates!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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