You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
