I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
