I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
