I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Two words: blizzard sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
