i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
