I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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