did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's like iHOP with fire
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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