I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
