One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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