that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
