I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
