I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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