meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
