girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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