Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
