am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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